If you’ve ever online dated, you’ve probably been ghosted. You might have even ghosted someone yourself. There are a lot of reasons why people ghost, from a lack of interest, a belief that ghosting is a ‘nicer way of letting people down’, to just plain forgetting the other person ever existed. 

And yet people agree that being ghosted sucks. Over 40% of responders in our research survey in Spring 2020 stated that ghosting was their biggest frustration with online dating, falling just short of superficiality, which was number one.

With ghosting, though, there’s no closure. It sucks. And yet we keep on ghosting.

So why do we keep on ghosting?

SciShow Psych’s take on ghosting and why people do it

Ghosting comes down to how you feel about ghosting itself. Are you a more a believer in destiny, or a believer in growth? Tell us below!

Even said, it still sucks to be let down. Especially if you’ve hit it off well with the other person and feel good about where things are going. 

But there is a silver(ish) lining — online daters are certainly not alone in our frustrations. We’ve gathered several stories in which other frustrated users have dealt with poignant accounts of ghosting.

  1. The girl who didn’t exist

This Redittor had a great chat with a girl they were really into. Unfortunately, she did not exist.

“Recently I started talking to a girl who was completely my type. Intelligent, sarcastic, really into fitness and had a great sense of humor. The first night we chatted online, turned into a 4 hour phone call. I can’t even recall what we talked about – but there was an instant connection. It felt great.

We talked for about a week on the phone before our planned date.

When the day came, things started happening – her phone crapped out etc. etc. We weren’t able to have the date.

The next day – same thing, different excuses.

It still wasn’t a big deal to me, but then one of my friends asked who she was when he saw I had just friended her on facebook. Her profession requires for a strict database of anyone in her field.

He took it upon himself to look her up. She didn’t exist.

Things started to get crazy at this point, and I don’t want to elaborate – but I can say with about 99% certainty that this girl actually was someone completely different.

Felt really weird to be lied to like that.”

  1. Even people who don’t ghost…still ghost.

This redditor had a date with a kisser so horrid she had to ghost him.

“I ghosted exactly one time, and I still feel guilty about it.

Met a guy off the Internet a number of years ago. He was one of those people who was perfect on paper. Dude was smart and pretty good-looking, plus had an MBA from a top school and a solid career. To top it all off, he was actually into me and was genuinely a sweet guy. I was used to dudes from the Interwebs doing the whole “baby cum over lol”/”Netflix and Chill?” thing in the middle of the night, so him wanting to actually wine and dine me was a welcome change.

We went on the date and it was… well, it was nice. Just your standard Pleasant Evening, really. We had a tasty meal together and walked around the city a bit. The connection wasn’t by any means explosive, but I liked him and generally had a good time. I thought I’d probably be interested in seeing him again. So, I invited him up to my apartment for a drink at the end of the night.

As the Pleasant Evening script dictates, he proceeded to kiss me, and… oh my God. There are not words to describe how bad he was at this — or how his kissing affected me, for that matter. The only way I can really describe how I felt at that moment was that I was the exact opposite of aroused. I’d never experienced anything like it before. It was like an intrusive dental cleaning with an aggressive hygienist who used gobs of spit instead of water and fluoride. If you don’t know how it feels to have someone else’s tongue dragging across your molars, I sincerely hope you never find out. Ugh.

I didn’t give up right away, though. In fact, I tried for a solid half an hour to direct him. Still, it was no use. His kissing style had two modes: half-second grandma pecks on the lips, and Dentist Visit from Hell. Despite my attempts at direction, he couldn’t manage to find any sort of middle ground. The resounding lack of chemistry that I felt after this exhausting experience pretty much canceled out whatever romantic feelings I had toward this guy. He went home, and he told me he’d be in touch. I smiled politely and went to bed.

As it turned out, that wasn’t just a pleasantry. He did keep in touch. Multiple times. But despite how sweet and charming he’d been, I just… couldn’t. I couldn’t see him again, and I also couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth about why I didn’t want to. So, I didn’t. I ghosted. I know it was a cowardly thing to do and I regret it to this day […] ”

  1. The One that Got Away

“…We texted a bunch and went out and got dinner and drinks and went dancing, and I had a great time. We went to this really cool underground music hall and he asked if he could kiss me on the dance floor and I said yes. We had tons of stuff in common (he’s a musician too) and we got along really well. I had butterflies and shit, I liked him. After that he asked if I wanted to come watch a movie at his place and promised it’d be PG so I said ok. He did keep it PG, and just had this stupid smile on his face and told me he was happy and that he’d wanted to ask me out for months when we were cuddling at his house.

We kept hanging out about once a week for a month and a half or so, texting quite a bit but never the same person texting first. I found myself really looking forward to seeing him. My last relationship had been rocky for a while and I hadn’t felt happy like that in a long time. Then out of nowhere we were cuddling and he hit me with this “I really don’t want to hurt you so I have to be honest, you’re amazing I’m just not in a place for a serious relationship right now and I don’t want to give you the wrong impression” thing. And he told me all about his history with his ex breaking his heart and how he’d kept trying to replace that feeling of being loved by dating lots of people for a year and then stopped dating altogether because he realized he was hurting people, and how he wanted to be different and change, which was why he was trying to be honest and communicate. And I told him that was totally fine and that I didn’t want to jump into anything either since I’d just gotten out of a serious relationship and that I knew he needed to focus on work. And he said he was really happy and glad I understood and wasn’t upset and that he was glad I was around, and we went to sleep.

Then he left town to spend new years with his friends from his hometown and said he’d see me when he got back. Then nothing. No texts, nada. I didn’t text him the whole time he was gone because I’d been the last person to text and I didn’t want to come on strong after that conversation we’d had (which I genuinely was ok with). I figured he’d reach out when he had some time, or if he was thinking of me, and it just didn’t happen. A couple weeks later I texted him and asked if we could get coffee and talk and he agreed. I was upset about him ghosting me, but the thing I was most upset about was that I genuinely thought we’d gotten to be friends before we ever went out and I was hurt that he just cut me off like that…”


And finally, just for fun:

What is the deal with ghosting?

BuzzFeed Video’s candid insights into Ghosting

Have any ghosting stories? Let us know in the comments!

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